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  • Writer's pictureJames Frater

Love Loudly: A Recipe For Reassurance

Updated: Feb 28, 2022

Please, this title does not mean that you should go around with a boombox harassing people into relationships. That is not what I am advocating for 😂

I am a big believer in being expressive with my love for my friends and family. I am constantly reminding the people closest to me that I love them dearly and that I appreciate them greatly. I also remind them that they’re a ‘stupid a** noodle head’ in equal measure …just for balance. Ying and Yang if you will. Recently, a friend of mine passed away. As much as it was extremely difficult to come to terms with the loss, I have always found peace in knowing that she was very clear about much I loved her and I was clear about how much she loved me. We had a very expressive relationship and for that, I can always be grateful.

I mention this because it illustrates a good point. Being expressive with your love is extremely comforting and reassuring. Others know exactly where they stand in your life and what they mean to you. We are social creatures and we care about what people think about us. So when we’re becoming more expressive, we are also reducing the anxiety that others may feel.

This post is timely because as I am writing it, the news about Jamal Edwards has just broken. My initial feelings were probably the same as most people …disbelief. This is not someone that I knew personally but his life and the lives he impacted had a profound impact on me. As I read through all the testimonies, I learnt so much about a man who was not only in his own stratosphere professionally but did everything in his power to make sure that others could join him. Personally, I found comfort in knowing that he got his flowers while he was alive. Without a doubt, we all recognised his impact and he was celebrated for it while he was alive. He was, and still is, loved very loudly.

As you’re going about your day today, think about this: who would you like to give flowers to? Literally or figuratively.

I am always talking about loving people the way that they like to be loved - this is a constant working progress for me. I’m a big lover (the horoscope babes will say it’s the Pisces in me), but it was only recently I really started to think about how the people around me receive love …beyond just knowing what their ‘love languages’ are. I’m constantly asking myself “Who does X need me to be for them?”, “How can I best show up for Y?” and “Do I have capacity for Z?”. The last one is important. Knowing and understanding your limits is just as important as figuring out what you can do.

We have been existing in a dystopian reality since ...well, since forever. In my 25 years on Earth, I cannot remember a period where it was ‘boring’. In the last three years alone we have had to deal with a pandemic, WW3 and too much personal loss. On top of that, I’ve been at university???! (bad joke?). The point is: we live in a very unpredictable world where life is as precious as it is unpredictable, so we have to prioritise loving loudly.

If you take nothing else away, I want you to take away this: do not overthink it. If you genuinely have a healthy love for someone then you shouldn’t overthink the way you express that. The world teaches us to overthink everything we do and every choice we make, but our gut instincts are constantly being refined by our experiences and the things we have learnt throughout our lives, so the ‘thinking’ has already been done. All we have left to do is to

Thank you for coming to my TED talk x

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